The Wife I Thought I'd Be
Growing up little girls always dream about getting married and becoming a wife. At least that is how it was for me. I had in my mind a picture of the wife I thought I would be. After our wedding and now holding the title as a wife, I have been reflecting on all the things I am not. I always pictured myself as being the most loving, free spirited, have it all together wife. Having my husband’s laundry washed, folded, put away and even laying out his work clothes on the dresser every night. Having the house spotless so when he comes home he always feels a sigh of relief to be there. Making dinners that are hot and ready to eat when he comes home.
Let me tell you that this isn’t real life, at least not yet for me. All these things I always thought I would have together look like a tornado came through and threw my life in every direction than the one I thought I was headed.
The wife I am. Challenging, stubborn, and taking a stand for all the things I don’t agree with. To be honest I have no idea who this person is. My husband would describe me more of the pushover type, and I totally agree with him. I’ve never been one to always let you know how I really feel. Until I became a wife that wanted to have a fairy tale marriage, and then realized we weren’t staring in a Disney movie. Life is messy.
My house is messy, family can be messy, my hair is messy. Becoming a wife means gaining a partner in life that you don’t always like, but never stop loving. As you become your own family a lot of things need to be worked out that didn’t seem to matter before. Who will take the trash out, who will do the laundry, where do people brush their teeth. I know, odd question, right? It took me months to just buy two tubes of tooth paste because Mike likes to brush his teeth while he’s in the shower. And here comes my stubborn self and also his. We would both just move it to where we wanted it to be and then get frustrated when we couldn’t find it. This is something that seems so silly but can actually cause arguments. When you are taking two people that are set in their ways and putting them into one house, it definitely takes some adjusting and battle picking.
My husband is becoming more patient with me and I think he is also seeing that some battles just aren’t worth fighting anymore. Taking titles as husband and wife require some dynamic changes in the life you used to live. It isn’t always about you anymore, which some people are used to it being. We go through a phase of our life where it’s all about us. Figuring out what we want to do, having our own money, making our own schedule, catering to our own needs. And then suddenly you have a family of your own and life can become a little messy.
The wife I am. Loving, but not always doing a good job of showing it. Never folding the laundry when it comes out of the dryer, leaving dishes in the sink, not making dinner every night. Challenging my husband daily on things that I want out of our marriage. I am proud of the wife I am, the wife with a voice, the wife that wants a marriage of equal status, the wife that loves my husband more than anything and believes that he and I are capable of all the things we dream to be. The wife that is reminding herself daily that the bad days don’t last forever and she is loved and important. The wife that has a partner and knows she doesn’t have to do things alone. The wife that is lucky to have the most hardworking husband that is patient with me on days that I am a pain.
I will say I am not proud of my messy house and laundry that could potentially cause bodily injury if it fell on someone, or having a hard time being loveable on days when I know I should be, but I am proud to see our relationship growing.
One day, I might be the wife I always thought I would be, but that comes with obstacles and challenges and growing next to my husband. So for now, I will work on the wife that I am.
Until next time,
Xoxo
